It has been the worst night I’ve ever had in my entire life. The night where everyone wouldn’t want it to happen. But it all happens. Want to know why? Hahaha… I also want to know why.

Let’s just say I’m finally single again after 4 years in a relationship which I thought it would last forever and ever till death do us part. But guess I was too naïve to believe that. All this while he has been “pretentious in the past. Being all happy. Trying to put on a happy face so people will think that I'm the kind loving forgiving person I am.” (Taken from his blog).

I just want to know what I’ve done that brings our relationship to an end. Till to-day I still don’t have an answer. All he could answer is ‘He don’t know’. And all he said was ‘He will try’. But I did not see the effort. I’m in such real pain. The pain which is impossible to describe.

All I could remember is that he is not happy with this relationship due to me giving him silent treatment for the past 4 years. Well, I do admit that I did give him silent treatment. But I told him that I will try to change. Try to talk things out and not keep silent about it when there is problems. But recently he just keep bring out the past. What has past has past. We have to look forward to the future. The future is where we are heading. We are moving forward and not backward. What has past, we learn from there and improve and move forward. I told him like zillion times but he keeps saying that the past is the one that haunt him. What am I suppose to do?

As I have told him, changes are no good. When a person change, that person loses his / her originality. The person that you fall in love is the person you first met. The originality of the person and not the changed person. Since he insist of me changing, I will try to change. But the problem is he is not giving me chance to change.

I really don’t want this relationship to end like this without a reason. This is ridiculous. This is stupid. This is silly. Some of you are dying to know whether do I still love him. Well, heck YES!!! Of course I still love him. But if he continue to act all weirdly, it is hard for me to love him. Because in my eyes, he has changed completely. He has changed into a complete stranger. And I thought I’ve known him inside out and outside in. But guess I was wrong. He is good in hiding it.

Honestly, I didn’t say that I am right in this relationship. I do admit that at times I am stubborn and inconsiderate. But a person is never perfect. We just have to list down the good and the bad. There are things which I don’t like about him either. But I don’t want him to change. I don’t want him to be the perfect person I had in mind. Because I know that is impossible.

I apologize BIG time that if I’ve ever pressure you to commit in a relationship as in start a family on our own. I know I’ve ask this question “When are you gonna marry me?” many times. And everytime we passes through jewelry shop I will ask the same question too. You might be wondering why would I do that. To be honest, I do admit that I want to get married asap. But I know this will not come true as we are still not financially stable. Every time I see happy family with kids, the thought just came. I just want to be like them. A happy family. The way I asked was not serious. And you know that.

Friends, I know all of you have tried to help. But the conclusion is still for both of us to decide. For both of us to communicate. Sigh… I could just pray hard and hope things will be much better.