Well, guess what? I’m finally free from a cage. I’m free as a bird. I have all the freedom in the world. I’m proud to say that I’m finally single again after 4 torturous years with a guy who do not appreciate me, who do not love me and who hurt me so bad.

I think during that time I was too blind to see that he is not the one for me although repeatedly being advised from my mother and friends that he is not the one for me. Now I see it. What they say is true. How could I be so stupid not to see that? I guess, the saying goes, Love is Blind.

There’s just so many negative things about him that I’ve tried to ignore and I thought time would make a difference. Well, I guess I was wrong. The following are the things which I don’t like about him which I hide are as follows:-

· He is being so childish. Come on, he’s already 24 years old and yet acting so immature.
· Always with that stupid cap of his and he thinks he’s cool.
· Never know how to make connection with the elders. Always with his handphone playing his stupid Fifa games.
· Never try to make conversation with the elders to get to know each other better.
· Never greet the elders when in their house and have to be told to do so
· He has a very bad breath and I’ve repeatedly told him to do something about it.
· Washes his Jeans / pants like 6 months once which sometimes stings
· Never tidy up his room. His room is in a mess and it smell.
· Never grow up as he’s still using sexy actress / model picture as his wallpaper.
· Still acting childish with all the inappropriate display picture in his MSN.
· Always shy to take risk especially in working environment. How to improve yourself when you don’t want to take risk?
· Always headbanging in the car and some relatives thinks you are crazy. I don’t like it either
· Always say he loves you but he don’t mean it and but he always say he meant it. If he meant it then this would not happen
· Never express his feelings. Always keep it inside and one day it will explode like what happen now
· Always want people to change to the way he wants it but never change himself to suit the other party
· Always full of worries but never try to solve the worries
· Always say cannot cannot but never try to achieve it

I hope his future girlfriend to be reads this before committing to him. I don’t want another victim to fall for his trap and be hurt.

Wow, there are so many weaknesses in him. How could I be so stupid not to see that? Well, I guess I’m lucky to know who actually he is before it is too late. All I see now is that he is one moody-easily pissed off-impatient-full of anger kind of person and not the lovey dovey-patient-caring kind of person. I’m glad that all this is over and I can’t wait to start a new leaf. I’m sure there is someone out there who is way better than him. Someone who will truly appreciate me for who I am and not wanting me to make changes to suit his desire. Someone who will think about the past and make things better for the future and not keep thinking about the past and be sulky about it.

This is my first day out with my friends for the long Raya holiday. I started my holiday on 10 October (Wed) till 16 October (Tues). Yes… today is my last day of Raya holiday. It was a pretty sad Raya holiday. I’ve been looking forward to this Raya holiday but now it’s just a nightmare. Well, I think you know why is it a sad holiday for me. Read the last 2 posts and I think you get the picture.

My friend, Zing Yee came and picked me up from home at 9:30am. Then we went to Tasik Selatan ktm station to pick up one of her friend from Penang. His name is Boon Keong. A nice gentleman I would say. We are supposed to be his tour guide around KL. But we don’t know where to go.

The first stop was Petaling Street. Our very own Chinatown. We just walked around Chinatown and Central Market. We had our lunch in Nam Heong Chicken Rice Restaurant.

Our next stop was supposed to be KLCC. As we past by Bukit Bintang, we were hesitating whether to go KLCC or not and we ended up in Mid Valley. Since none of them been to The Gardens.

However, on the way to The Gardens, we passed by the Kings’ Palace. So we decided to stop to take pictures. Hehe… just like a tourist. Well, of course it is my idea to stop and take pictures. I’ve always wanted to take pictures at the Kings’ Palace and finally today I manage to fulfill that dream.

Me & Zing Yee with the Horse Guard

We did a little window shopping in The Gardens and ended up playing bowling in Mid Valley. We have a hard time convincing Zing Yee to play bowling. It turns out that she’s not bad at all at the bowling. My own score wasn’t good. I didn’t get a strike for both the games we played. First game I got 64 points and 2nd game only 61 points. I’m sure my hand will ache tomorrow and worst of all, tomorrow is back to work. Sigh…

From Mid Valley, we head on to Bangsar Village II to have ‘Eat All You Can’ in Haagen Dazs. It cost RM33.90 ++ per person and valid till 31 October 2007. However, the flavors are limited to 8 choices. The choices are Coffee, Choco Choco Nut, Chocolate, Belgium Chocolate, Macadamia Nut, Vanilla, Strawberry and Cookies N Creams. I had only 5 scopes of ice cream. Zing Yee had 6 and Boon Keong had the most 13 scopes. I swear to myself that I will not touch ice cream till next year.

Chocolate and Vanilla

From there we head on to Seapark, PJ to have dinner. We had hokkien mee, loh mee and pork soup for dinner. And the bill only cost us RM18. That is so cheap. After dinner, we head on home. And we’ve spent nearly 12 hours outside. That is what I call cool.

It has been the worst night I’ve ever had in my entire life. The night where everyone wouldn’t want it to happen. But it all happens. Want to know why? Hahaha… I also want to know why.

Let’s just say I’m finally single again after 4 years in a relationship which I thought it would last forever and ever till death do us part. But guess I was too naïve to believe that. All this while he has been “pretentious in the past. Being all happy. Trying to put on a happy face so people will think that I'm the kind loving forgiving person I am.” (Taken from his blog).

I just want to know what I’ve done that brings our relationship to an end. Till to-day I still don’t have an answer. All he could answer is ‘He don’t know’. And all he said was ‘He will try’. But I did not see the effort. I’m in such real pain. The pain which is impossible to describe.

All I could remember is that he is not happy with this relationship due to me giving him silent treatment for the past 4 years. Well, I do admit that I did give him silent treatment. But I told him that I will try to change. Try to talk things out and not keep silent about it when there is problems. But recently he just keep bring out the past. What has past has past. We have to look forward to the future. The future is where we are heading. We are moving forward and not backward. What has past, we learn from there and improve and move forward. I told him like zillion times but he keeps saying that the past is the one that haunt him. What am I suppose to do?

As I have told him, changes are no good. When a person change, that person loses his / her originality. The person that you fall in love is the person you first met. The originality of the person and not the changed person. Since he insist of me changing, I will try to change. But the problem is he is not giving me chance to change.

I really don’t want this relationship to end like this without a reason. This is ridiculous. This is stupid. This is silly. Some of you are dying to know whether do I still love him. Well, heck YES!!! Of course I still love him. But if he continue to act all weirdly, it is hard for me to love him. Because in my eyes, he has changed completely. He has changed into a complete stranger. And I thought I’ve known him inside out and outside in. But guess I was wrong. He is good in hiding it.

Honestly, I didn’t say that I am right in this relationship. I do admit that at times I am stubborn and inconsiderate. But a person is never perfect. We just have to list down the good and the bad. There are things which I don’t like about him either. But I don’t want him to change. I don’t want him to be the perfect person I had in mind. Because I know that is impossible.

I apologize BIG time that if I’ve ever pressure you to commit in a relationship as in start a family on our own. I know I’ve ask this question “When are you gonna marry me?” many times. And everytime we passes through jewelry shop I will ask the same question too. You might be wondering why would I do that. To be honest, I do admit that I want to get married asap. But I know this will not come true as we are still not financially stable. Every time I see happy family with kids, the thought just came. I just want to be like them. A happy family. The way I asked was not serious. And you know that.

Friends, I know all of you have tried to help. But the conclusion is still for both of us to decide. For both of us to communicate. Sigh… I could just pray hard and hope things will be much better.