today got up pretty early to go to the church to pay my last respect to my late grandfather. as usual say some prayers and blessing. each of us are given a stalk of flower to be put into his coffin and say our own prayers to him. later again follow by more prayers and blessing.

at about 12pm, his coffin was taken to kampung tunku, PJ for cremation. this is the part which is hard to bear in seeing his body being burned. this is the saddest of all. just imagine, you will not be able to see your love one anymore in a physical manner.

just now i went to mid valley to ease myself. i didn't really feel like shopping though. don't really have the same mood i used to. maybe i'm just to tired. and furthermore i'm driving and it's a massive jam out there. i'm really tired today.

Monday, August 25, 2003

i didn't sleep well last night. i even left the church early coz i could stand the emotional surrounding. i couldn't stop my tears. so, my mum ask me to leave early to get some sleep. i practically cried myself to sleep. during that moment i feel like talking to someone about it. pour my feelings to someone. but in the end i didn't call anyone at all and i ended up 'smsing' a friend of mine whom i jz knew. i pour my feelings to him. he's a nice friend. it really did help a lot. thank you so much!! you know who you are...

i woke up at 5:30am. i couldn't sleep. so i decided to watch some VCD's to amuse myself. i ended up watching Bruce Almighty. after the show i eel so sleepy. i went back to bed to take a short nap before i go to the church again to say some prayers.

as you guys know that my grandmother is also sick, we really don't know how to tell her bout my grandfather. we slowly approach her and tell her that my grandfather is now gone forever. he passed away peacefully and he wasn't in pain when he passed away. he's eyes were closed when he leave this world. we were all sobbing when we told her bout my grandfather. my mum even ask me to get ready the 'minyak angin' just incase she passed out coz she did passed out when my great-grandmother passed away. surprisingly she has no reaction about it. it's not that she don't love my grandfather or what... but it's just that she's forgetful and blur. she's not as alert as before. so we asked her whether does she wants to see my grandfather, at 1st she says yes... then later she say no... so, my mother think it's the best for her not to go due to her conditon.

at night we did say some prayers and we sang some songs. i cried most during that time. it's really difficult to hold back your tears when the sad songs are being played. my eyes are really swollen. i stayed there till the ceremony ends. i was so tired when i came home. i slept easily. you guys are able to view my grandfather's obituary in The Star newspaper at page 55 and New Straits Times.